Sunday, November 30, 2014

My First 30 Days

One of the topics in AA meetings sometimes people bring up is the first 30 days of sobriety. There were a few newcomers (people in their first 30 days of sobriety) that came to one of my regular meetings recently, and it brought back many feelings of my first 30 days.

I chose to go to a rehab for 30 days, and it was one of the most difficult choices I ever had to make. I didn’t want to leave my two babies for a month, I had never even spent the night away from them before. I had a thousand different reasons why I didn’t want to leave, but in the end, I did.

The first few days were extremely hard for me, I cried lots of tears, but then I started hearing the things I needed to hear. I listened to my counsellors, people in my group, and speakers in AA meetings I attended.

The more I heard, the more I knew I belonged there. I was surrounded with people who were on the same path as I was, and we all wanted each other to succeed.

I worked extremely hard during my time in rehab. I completed all my assignments, journaled thoughtfully, and read the Big Book intently. I had to face myself and be completely honest for the first time in my life.

For many years I lied to myself, friends, and family. I convinced myself that I didn’t have a drinking problem because I didn’t drink every day. I binge drank twice a month, so how could I be an alcoholic? Well, it turns out I am.

Once I started to drink, it was never one or two, it always turned into three, four, five, etc. I could never predict my behavior, and I didn’t know if I would be an emotional wreck, angry, or happy.

Once I got out of treatment, I still needed to do a lot of work on myself. I went to 90 meetings in 90 days, but I failed to get a sponsor.

After three months, I relapsed, and had to start all over. I had to pull myself back up, get a sponsor, and prove to myself, husband, and family that I would do anything and everything to protect my sobriety.

Thankfully, I have been sober ever since, and now I do not take my sobriety lightly. I am grateful for entering an accredited alcohol rehabilitation center. I was able to connect with people there that I can still turn to today.

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