Our minds can convince us that bad ideas are actually good ones. Sometimes I think back on the days of my drinking with longing. I remember all the fun times I had, and think that maybe if I drink again, I can feel that same way.
Then I have to remind myself of the consequences I faced. When I started drinking, I didn’t have any consequences, but as the years progressed, the consequences started piling up.
Many times I blacked out and put myself in dangerous situations. I didn’t remember what happened the night before, and had to ask other people to piece the night together for me. I would listen to what happened with disbelief.
How could I have acted that way? Why was I crying and screaming at someone I loved? Why did I get angry about something silly and get in the car and drive home? Why did I put myself and others I loved in danger? How could I have said something so hurtful and insensitive? Who did I call or text? What did I say to them?
All these things started happening over and over. Sometimes it was fun, most of the time it wasn’t. Most of the time it was humiliating.
Then things got even worse. My marriage was in jeopardy. My kids were worried. My family was concerned about me. Things stopped being fun all together.
At the end of my drinking days, I had so much shame, guilt, and humiliation wrapped around me, I never thought I could climb out of that darkness.
I finally decided to check myself into a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. It was there I learned how to grow up and handle my problems like an adult. They taught me how to feel free without alcohol. They taught me how to love and forgive myself.
Recovery is an ongoing process, and I’m learning new things and growing every day, but if I didn’t go to rehab, I wouldn’t be open to the possibility of recovery. I wouldn’t have known that anyone can find peace in their lives, including me.